Imposible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict by Irene Vilar

Meet the Author:
Imposible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict (2009)
By Irene Vilar

Irene Vilar would come to use abortion as a tool of harm to herself as a response to the psychological trauma of witnessing her mother commit suicide when Ms. Vilar was a young girl.
Ms. Vilar stated at a recent Meet the Author event at the Centro Library, that her memoir, Impossible Motherhood, is not a story about abortion, but about transformation. After a total of 15 pregnancy terminations she came to realize she was psychologically addicted to abortions and the rush of being pregnant. It was her way of reacting to post traumatic stress disorder. She had no control over her mother's death, but what she did have control over was her body through repeat abortions.

Her memoir reflects a perversion of maternal desire and psychological trauma. Through her writing she was able to break the cycle, leading to a transformative and empowering interpretation of reproductive autonomy. While reading a segment from Impossible Motherhood she spoke about her first pregnancy. She said it was "a result of lying about birth control" to her college professor at Syracuse University, with whom she had been intimate, and who she later married. She went on to say, "Each time I got my period I was sad, each time I was pregnant I was aroused and afraid." She also said she fantasized about having a child and even put baby clothes on lay away, although she would constantly find herself feeling disgusted at the abortion clinic time and time again. Currently Irene Vilar is the mother of two children and a memoir, titled The Ladies' Gallery (Other Press, 2009, originally published in 1996).

Imposible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict by Irene Vilar center for reproductive rights
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